coming out
by kaffeflote
Summary: "but now their dad was back, he was back and he was okay and he was right here and they hadn't told him, and now he was leaving. " non-binary pidge comes out to their dad.


so i'm kinda salty that the fandom dropped non-binary pidge like a hot potato after, like, season 1, so here i am writing coming out scenes for my non-binary gremlin child whom i love. set during season 5, before sam holt leaves. cross-posted on ao3, all lower case for the aesthetic™

note: i began writing this before season 6 came out, i thoroughly enjoyed that season, and then season 7 came out and actually triggered a full on depressive episode (i'm not kidding, getting that excited about lgbtq+ rep and then having that ripped from me, coupled with back-to-school feels and other life events at the same time, caused me to spiral bad). however, even though i'm angry and upset at the vld crew and dreamworks and no longer watching the show, i did want to finish this and post it, because all the feelings that fueled me to write this and want to post it still happened, and also it was mostly finished before season 7 happened, i just had to take a long break and then finish it up. i personally will no longer be invested in this show, at least for the foreseeable future, but i hope y'all can enjoy this fic regardless. maybe think of it as my goodbye to voltron. or ignore everything i said and just read the fic.

* * *

 **coming out**

sam holt was preparing to go back to earth, and pidge was frantically pacing their room, debating whether or not to say anything to him.

they'd already told matt - well, actually, matt kind of figured it out on his own. he'd figured it out, put together the puzzle pieces of the other paladins calling them pidge and using their pronouns, and had then approached them on his own. which had probably been a good thing, because they'd never have been able to come out to him without that extra prompting on his part.

because honestly, they'd never been good at any of this; the heart to heart deep conversations that were required for telling people this kind of stuff.

the other paladins...that'd been a different story. after pidge had said that they were a girl, all the way back in the beginning, the other paladins had tried to call them katie and use she-her pronouns, but after about the tenth wince at the sound of that name, their friends had staged an intervention and been all annoyingly kind and sympathetic and open about it and they'd had a proper conversation about the whole thing, and gender in general and pidge's specifically, ending in pidge opting for going by pidge and they-them pronouns. again, this hadn't been of their own initiative, strictly speaking, but it was immeasurably helpful nonetheless.

but now their dad was back, he was back and he was okay and he was right here and they still hadn't told him, and now he was leaving. he was probably packing right now, and matt was probably helping him, or at least with him, and pidge was pacing in their room, their thoughts following the sound of their feet on the floor.

they had to tell their dad at some point, right? and especially if he was going to be going back to earth, where he'd probably tell the people there all about the war and voltron and the paladins and about his daughter-

they had to tell him before he left. the thought of him going to earth and telling people that they were a girl was enough to made them clench their fists as they paced - above that, humans were not among the more liberal in the known universe when it came to gender. if their father returned to earth and told people about his wonderful daughter, katie holt, who was out there saving the universe, but then they came back as pidge instead-

they had to say something. they had to.

and on top of that, he had to know. they'd told him (and mom and matt) that they were a girl all those years ago when they'd figured out that they weren't a boy, and they'd all been so supportive and happy, immediately letting them grow their hair long and wear dresses, and there was no reason for them to not be as supportive now. and even if they weren't, even if they (well, him and maybe mom, as matt already knew and was cool with it) didn't get it, then at least their dad would know.

pidge pulled themself up, bringing an end to their back and forth pacing, and made towards the door. they had to tell him.

they raced through the halls and made it to the room their dad was staying in way too quickly. they opened the door and cautiously peeked inside. matt was sitting on the bed next to the open bag, taking animatedly about his adventures with the rebels as their dad listened attentively and moved around the room at seemingly random, picking stuff up to put in the bag.

pidge cleared their throat, and both their brother and father looked up at them. they stepped into the room, twisting their hands anxiously, and said, "dad, i need to tell you something."

"what is it, katie?" their dad asked immediately, standing to attention and packing left forgotten.

they tried to hide a wince (badly) at those two syllables strung together. "actually, um, dad, i, uh, kinda have to talk to you. about that."

pidge tried to keep their breathing steady, and he seemed to notice their mounting anxiety, because the tension in the room grew. matt hopped up off the bed and made his way to them,

his face twisted in concern and mouth opening probably to ask if they were okay and if they needed him there for support or something. they shook their head at him in what they hoped was a confident way and said, "it's fine, matt. go talk to the others for a bit. we'll be fine here."

their dad didn't interrupt them, he simply waited as matt left the room, and then turned his attention back to pidge.

"so, katie, what is it?" he asked, not unkindly. he sat down on the bed, on top of a shirt-esque object of clothing that they recognized as altean, and patted the empty spot next to him invitingly.

pidge didn't take it.

their mind was racing, their breathing sped up. why were they doing this? they couldn't do this. they couldn't tell their dad that they had been wrong the one time everyone in their life had changed everything in how they perceived and interacted with them. they hadn't just inconvenienced everyone in their parents' social circle, their dad had actually dropped all contact with his parents for being transphobic - who were they to come now and tell them that they'd been wrong?

maybe they could deal with only their friends and matt knowing. they were fighting an intergalactic space war, had been for years; they could handle a few she-her pronouns and katies.

but no. no they couldn't.

they knew they couldn't. matt knew they couldn't. the paladins and the alteans and probably even the lions knew they couldn't.

that was the whole point.

ugh.

they took a deep breath. their dad was still looking at them patiently; having a neurodivergent kid who had already had to come out as trans once, something that involved a heck of a lot of emotions and then analyzing those emotions and emotional reactions, which pidge was notoriously bad at, had taught him to be patient, both with pidge and in general. they were telling him.

"sodadi'mkindofnonbinary," they said.

he blinked. he hadn't said a word this whole time, had let them calm their floundering thoughts and tell him at their own pace. "sorry, do you think you could repeat that?" he said gently. "just a bit slower. these old ears, y'know-"

"dad, i'm non-binary," they said.

silence. their breathing kicked up again, but there. it was said. they said it. they had told their dad.

their dad didn't say anything at first. why wasn't he saying anything? he had understood them, right? they'd spoken slowly (slower), made sure to breathe and not to let the syllables slur together - would they have to say it again?

"just to clarify," their dad said, making them jump as his voice suddenly pierced the tense silence in the room, "you mean non-binary, as in you don't identify as a boy or a girl, correct?"

pidge nodded. "yeah," they said, letting out a long breath. "that's it."

their dad nodded, a small smile spreading across his face as his eyes roamed over them, watching as their anxiety seemed to deflate at his acceptance. "well," he huffed in amusement, "that's certainly a relief. by the look on matt's face i thought it was going to be something awful! so, i assume that's why everyone 'round here's been calling you 'pidge'?"

pidge nodded - were they stuck? they felt stuck, this didn't feel real, how could it be real that they had told their dad, and that he was seemingly a-okay with it?

"ah-ah, yeah, i've, uh, been using pidge for, y'know, a while." silence, as he gazed at them expectantly, letting them continue. "also, i've been, uh, using they and them, now. the pronouns, i mean. gender neutrally. because. well, because i'm non-binary."

they clamped their mouth shut, horrified at the stuttering and messy sentences. this was their dad, why were they nervous?

(because it would hurt more to be rejected by him than to be rejected by others, a voice that sounded suspiciously like shiro whispered in their head. they pointedly ignored it.)

but their dad just smiled and nodded, like this was all the most natural thing in the world. like he had his kids announcing their new genders and pronouns all the time. like it was no big deal that his only daughter – they shuddered internally at the word, it felt so foreign – was telling him that there had been a mistake after he had already changed and sacrificed so much for them. but before they could ruminate any longer, or open their mouth and voice any of the concerns, their dad spoke up again.

"well, ka-pidge," he corrected himself. "i can't pretend it won't take some getting used to, but i'll do my absolute best. you - you and matt - you're my kids, and you're my - well, you're not my baby girl anymore, or my daughter." he took a deep breath. "you're my child, pidge. please don't ever doubt that i love you. never doubt that."

they nodded, feeling a slight burn at their eyes. they tried to blink it away, but that just made it worse. their dad noticed, because of course he did, and wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close and holding tight. he rocked them slightly, just like he used to when they had been small and needed calming down then.

"thank you, for telling me," he said, burying his face in their hair. "thank you so much for trusting me with that before i leave."

pidge buried their themself into his grip, relishing once again in hugging their dad after so long apart. they breathed in and clutched at his robe-jacket-thing, breathed in his scent, changed after so long in captivity and in the strange environment, but still undoubtedly and unequivocally their dad.

their dad was okay. their dad was back, he was okay, and he knew now.

after a seeming eternity of being hugged, their dad moved back and let them extract themself from his arms. they moved away and stood up, eyes still burning somewhat, but their lips were tugging upwards and their chest was filled with a mess of swirling emotions.

they shrugged helplessly, their brain failing to think of any words to say or what to do next. their dad knew now. he knew, and he was okay with it, and he still loved them, and what now?

again, he answered before they could attempt.

"well, i'd better get back to packing. why don't you go find matt and tell him to come back here? we can talk some more at dinner, if you like."

for a lack of any other options, and they really didn't want to stay and help him pack, they smiled in agreement and turned to the door.

"another thing, pidge," he called out before they could leave the room, the name rolling effortlessly off his tongue. "do you want me to tell your mother, or do you want to do it yourself when you get back to earth?"

"you do it," pidge said instantly, feeling their pulse quicken at the thought of having to tell their mom, of having to redo it all over again. "god, yeah, you can tell her. please."

he smiled in amusement, as if reading their thoughts. "okay then. i'll do that, pidge."


End file.
